Tell me why

*Just finished sitting for history of architecture test, feeling bad... waiting for KTM train...*

I used to be a very patient person.

Long period sinking in hectic life...
addicting to materialistic joys...
suffering from stress and pressure of studies...
obeying to reality...

Good behaviors nurtured in childhood is being corrupted. I become easily angry and egoistic, release my stress and pressure on my friends around me without consciusness. It is not hard to imagine that i am immature.

Study... I know the purpose of study. It is to learn and perceive that which was, that which is and that which will be that beyond my knowledge. And, study, is supposed to be a process, not a result, not an aim. I am trying not to mind too much about academic results (i am not a person 'menggila-gilakan' marks). But, in reality, i have to further my education oversea by possessing good result (nowadays, good result almost equal to high marks). No marks, no result, no guarantee... All become so fake.

For another instance, an artistic, charmful and aweful building is built based on a story, principle, theory or philosophy. For public, for most of the people, who cares the story behind the building as long as it satisfies the lust of eyes.

Suddenly, i am desperate to look for someone who understands me, and stands beside me. Not greedy for long lasting period, but just a short moment. I remember the "sigh" of a Chinese modernist calligrapher Gu Gan:

I walked the ancient road alone,
chilled to the bone,
Then suddenly i have the delight of seeing you.
( I write, but no one seems to understand. How nice it is to meet you, as you are someone who does. )